Self-compassion, Uncategorized, Working With Painful Emotions

Step Three: Rediscovering the Wise Self

This post is about rediscovering the Wise Self. It is the third post in a series of posts titled “Seven Steps to Love.” You can read the first post here:

Step One: Steps to Love

Step #3: I realized I needed to return to Love, in which I rediscover my Wise Self.

One we have realized that we are stuck in patterns of self-hate, and we remember Love, we need to return to Love.

This can seem really intimidating when we have been stuck in patterns of self-hate, but it is not as hard as we might think initially. All of us have experienced Love many times in our life.

The deepest and wisest thing
We have the best contact with Love when we are operating out of our Wise Self, and most of us have had frequent contact with the Wise Self throughout our life, although we may not have realized it.

The Wise Self is most present in moments like this:

When we feel rested, nourished, loved, and safe.  

Or when we are deeply in love and want to nourish and support our beloved, while also feeling nourished and supported ourselves.  

When we are in a flow state and are absorbed in a project we find meaningful and challenging but also possible to achieve.  

Or when we are in nature and feel connected to something that is beautiful, larger than us, and also loving and welcoming.  

When we are touched by a beautiful piece of art, music, or literature and feel both called beyond ourselves and also peaceful with who we are in life (we are invited and not judged). 

This Wise Self is actually a place of Love that exists in everyone.

And learning to return to and connect with your Wise Self is an important part of healing from perfectionism and self-hate. When we connect with the Wise Self, we connect with Love, and we better understand that we are always in the process of becoming who we are.

When we do so, we realize that the goal is never perfection. Rather, the goal is growth in wisdom, compassion, and love.

In addition, we understand that any time we are willing to grow in these things, we are exactly where we need to be.

This is what it means to return to Love. We can return to Love every day and even every minute of the day. And the more we practice doing this, the easier it becomes.

Self-Pledge #2

The question is, “How do we connect with the Wise Self?” Here are a few ways that I (and others) have found effective.

One: Take some time each day or regularly to be quiet and think about the Wise Self. It can be thirty seconds, one minute, or however long or short you like.

Spending time in silence is one of the best ways we become aware of the Wise Self, and this is why silence, meditation, or prayer has been such an important part of all religious traditions.

Two: Be willing to connect with the Wise Self, even if you do not understand what it is or are not sure if it exists.

It is totally okay if you are not sure if the Wise Self exists or even if you hold a deep skepticism about it.

The Wise Self is never offended by your doubts and skepticism. It is always reaching out to you, wanting to connect with you. So if you are even just willing (if you can’t do anything else), even just being willing can help you find the Wise Self.

In addition, here is a prayer you can use, if it helps you:

Divine Love:

I am willing to rest in you.
Take the wounded in me and restore it with your love. 
Help me in my doubts. 
And help me connect with the wisdom, love, compassion, and creativity in me. 
Help me to see My Wise Self and the light in myself and everyone else.

If you do not believe in God or prayer is difficult for you, you can use this as an intention:

I am willing to rest in Love. 

And I am willing for Love to restore all that is dark, diseased and wounded in me.

I am willing to be honest about my doubts.

 And I am willing to connect with the wisdom, Love, compassion and creativity in me.

 I am willing to see my Wise Self and the light in myself and everyone else. 

Consider using this prayer/intention every day for a week or two to connect you to Your Wise Self.

Three: If it is helpful to you, use the following meditation  or image to help you rediscover the Wise Self.

I invite you to consider that the Wise Self and the Higher Love in it is like the most loving, nurturing mother possible. Love does not hate you or criticize you. Rather, Love loves you and desires for you to thrive and become fully yourself.

Love does not want to terrify, hurt, or dominate you. Instead, love longs to hold you in her vast, loving arms and to let you rest comforted, safe, and cherished.

This allow you to return to the world nurtured and empowered to love yourself and others.

Four: Consider using contemplative practices to help you connect with your Wise Self. You can read more about contemplative practices here.

As we learn to connect with the Wise Self and return to Love, we inevitably realize we also need to deal with our Wounded Self. That is what I will address in the next post

Step Four: Healing Our Wounded Self


If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it on social media.

And if you would like help connecting with the Wise Self, below is a prayer or intention you can use. It contains links to further prayers and intentions. 

An Intention or Prayer for When We Feel Like We are Not Enough

You might also like this booklet:

How to Feel Safe When the World Feels Scary

And here’s one about hope:

How to Build a Hope Sandwich You Can Eat Every Day

This is one of my favorite books about love:

Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Love


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