Wow, do I get into bad moods sometimes.
I think most of us do.
Things are going along pretty well. I may even feel really happy. And then I start getting a little tired. A little overstimulated.
Something small happens. It triggers me.
And then EVERYTHING IS THE WORST EVER. And it seems really out of proportion to what is going on in my life. Suddenly I will start thinking stuff like this, when only the day before, things have been going along swimmingly, and I am excited about everything and have a great sense of purpose and direction:
Bad moods really confuse me sometimes. I don’t always know how to deal with them. A while ago I read about surfing the waves of our bad feelings. This image was really helpful to me. I think I used to identify myself with my bad feelings.
If I was feeling bad, I thought my life was horrible.
If I felt really sad, I thought my life was tragic.
If I felt hopeless, I thought my life was hopeless.
But when I read about surfing the waves of my feelings, I suddenly realized that I am not the same thing as my feelings. Feelings are like waves that come and go, and I can learn to surf them so I don’t get completely swallowed up in them.
And one way I surf my feelings is by painting.
I was in a bad mood yesterday. So I painted.
This one is called “Anger”.
I could say that my bad mood was because I was tired and overstimulated. Or because of an unexpected snaffoo. Or because I have a little too much on my plate. I don’t know.
This is “Praying”.
Whatever it was, it felt like my bad mood was really out of proportion to the good things in my life. But my mood didn’t care. It insisted, “I feel crappy, and I am not going to change, so deal with it.”
So, I kept painting because while painting doesn’t solve all my problems, it does help me surf my feelings.