The Worst Beauty Advice: A.K.A. My Undercover Work in the Secret Beauty Society

This post is about the worst beauty advice ever.

I have recently obtained top-secret evidence suggesting that there is a Secret Beauty Society trying to control us, especially women, and make us perpetually miserable and afraid.

Motivated by justice and a desire to liberate the masses, I recently went undercover and was able to infiltrate the inner sanctum of this Secret Beauty Society, obtaining secret documents outlining their plan to take over the world, to monopolize all of our time and emotional energy, and to ensure that Cosmopolitan never goes out of business.

Here are the steps I discovered in their Secret Beauty Manifesto Aimed at Making Everyone Miserable and Dependent On Our Approval For the Rest of Their Whole Damn Lives:

Step One: Convince everyone that how they are right now is never enough and that they must change how they are and how they look to be truly worthy of love.

Step Two: Give them beauty icons that they must emulate.

Make sure that they are contradictory icons, so people continually wonder if they are beautiful enough or have the right kind of beauty.

Also make these standards of beauty  completely unrealistic for most people to achieve.

Step Three: Convince people that they can only be beautiful and worthy of love if they have the newest fashion, hairdo, or accessory. Constantly change these must-have items so people feel like they are in a constant state of lack.

Step Four: Convince people that they do not know what beauty is and that they must trust external beauty experts.

Step Five: Convince people that constantly worrying about and hating their own appearance is normal and healthy, and that if you accept and love yourself exactly as you are, you are letting yourself go. And no one will love you. Ever.

Step Six: Collude with entertainment and media industry so that everyone (especially women) hear these messages 24/7 from all media outlets so that they never really have a chance to think for themselves and recognize the insanity of this system.

It appears that this plot of the Secret Beauty Society has been highly effective.

They have successfully convinced thousands of women to constantly worry about their beauty, appearance, and worthiness 24/7.

And they have successfully convinced thousands of women to believe that the worst thing that could happen to them is that some person might find them unattractive.

They have successfully convinced thousands of women that it does not matter how smart, kind, funny, musical, athletic, artistic, philosophical, mathematical they are:

All that matters, they have convinced women, is if they can fit into a size two and garner the admiration of random men walking down the street.

And deep in the heart of their sinister enclave, the Secret Beauty Society rejoices.  After all, their Secret Beauty Manifesto has been making them a lot of money for quite a while now.

In addition, through crushing women’s spirits and muting their voices, the Secret Beauty Society has largely ensured that people will not have to deal with completely liberated feminine power: something which might be uncomfortable and inconvenient for quite a few people everywhere.

But women and men everywhere are waking up and seeing through the stultifying strategies of the Secret Beauty Society.

It happens when we are captivated by the beauty of our friends and we realize it has very little to do with their hair or make-up or clothes and mostly everything to do with their light; their mindful presence with us; their humor; and their gentle spirit.

It happens when we free our hearts and minds and follow our intuition, our curiosity, our imagination, and we realize that in that moment we do not care what people think of us at all. BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATTER.

It happens when we suddenly realize what true beauty is: it is Love reaching out and nourishing those around us (including ourselves). And everyone can have and practice this Love whenever they want.

The Secret Beauty Society knows that when enough people realize this, their Reign of Terror will be through. They know that when women and men learn to love themselves exactly as they are and love one another deeply and authentically, too, this unleashes powerful magic.

Darling, Awake!

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