Intrinsic Worth, Self-compassion, Self-Love and Self-Directed Kindness

Why You Have Intrinsic Worth Today No Matter What

Dear Friend, you have intrinsic worth today, no matter what. But I know that is sometimes hard to believe. 

If you are like a lot of people, including me sometimes, you spend a lot of time worrying if you are good enough. Or you spend a lot of time trying to prove to other people that you are good enough in some way. And you also spend a lot of time despairing that you will never be good enough.

Weird Message

Many of us have picked up messages along the way that we are only good enough if we meet external standards of worthiness. These are standards such as standards of looking a certain way; having a certain kind of body; being cool; being fashionable; having a certain IQ; making certain salary; working a certain job; driving a certain kind of car; living in a certain kind of house.

So, we spend a lot of time trying to meet these external standards of worth. And all the while we worry we will never be good enough. Sometimes we fall into complete despair over the matter.

You Can Stop Playing This Game–It is Hurting You

I encourage you to stop playing the “Prove Your Worth Externally” game. It is hurting you. And it’s a waste of your precious time and energy. It keeps you from recognizing how magical you are, and it keeps you from realizing that you already have intrinsic worth. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

Your intrinsic worth is like this glowing little seed of magic in you. It contains special things about you like your unique personality, viewpoint, physical capabilities, talents and appearance. (Let’s call this your You-ness. The fancy philosophy word for it is haecceity. But I am going to call it You-ness).

But it also contains your human superpowers like wisdom, kindness, compassion, creativity, and hope, just to name a few. (You can read more about this here.)

When you express your human superpowers through your You-ness, that is when your magic shines the most. And you bring something beautiful into the world. The world desperately needs your magic.


Photo by Greg Rakozy, courtesy of Unsplash

It’s like when a flower or tree brings its own unique beauty into the world. Flowers and trees don’t have to compete with other flowers or trees. They just be and grow into themselves because they have their own intrinsic worth. And they bring that worth into the world by flourishing.

I like to think of your special You-ness as your original love. Love is the power we possess share our special magic and to encourage the magic of everyone else. We do this to make the world a better place for everyone. And we all have this potential. You can read more about original love here.

But What About?

And you may feel skeptical about all this because you are thinking of bad things you have done and even perhaps still do. I get it. We have all done (and do) bad things. And sometimes we do really bad things. The bad things you do come from your dark side.

And it is important that you work on addressing your dark side and making things right with the people you have hurt. It is also important to realize that these bad things are not what is most you. Rather, they are a corruption of what is most you. Similarly, the disease a rose gets is a corruption of the flower, not the actual flower. You can read more about this here.

On the other hand, you may be thinking of people who hurt you and who did bad things to you. In doing so, you struggle to think that everyone possesses intrinsic worth because it seems like that means you must excuse their bad behavior.

Let me assure you: You never have to excuse people’s bad  behavior.

It’s possible to honor someone’s intrinsic worth while recognizing that they are currently acting in a self and other-destructive manner. And it’s okay to stay away from such folks. Sometimes this is necessary to honor your own intrinsic worth. You can read more about this here.

And you may feel like you don’t like yourself very well right now and that you don’t understand how to appreciate your You-ness. I get that, too. You can read more about that here, here, and here.

You may also have people around you who have totally bought into external standards of worthiness. And they keep pressuring you to act and be a certain way. You can read more about how to handle that here and here.

Or you may feel like you have no idea how to start appreciating your intrinsic worth. You can read more about that here, here, and here.

All these problems are normal. I want to assure that a lot of other people, including me, have dealt with these same problems before, too. You are not alone, and you are not hopeless. And you don’t have to understand how exactly to embrace your intrinsic worth today. You just need to be open and willing to start.

You are so special.


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